Monday, 22 March 2010

Living moment by moment with an uncomfortable feeling

The normal reaction to an uncomfortable feeling is to run away from the sensation. Today, I am going to stay with the discomfort right now, and let's see what happens.

The feeling is a mixture of confusion and anxiety, due to a current concern I have in the story. I'm not sure what I'm going to decide in the next few days, which will impact on my life, and so I am living with uncertainty. I can feel this feeling in my body. There is a  slight tingling in my stomach and a lethargy in my body as a whole. As I listen to the thoughts in my mind, I am aware of total silence. Some judgements come up about this, and debate as to whether a silent mind is good, bad or  neutral. I think about how I could come to a decision sooner so that I don't have to endure this moment by moment pain. I think of an idea and then let it go for now. I hear the sound of a bird this morning, reminding me to be alive to the nature around me. Silence again. My stomach isn't so painful anymore.

I reflect on the fact that all these experiences are only existing because of awareness. Without awareness, none of this would be happening. I step back and back, step back into the awareness that I am, whatever that means for me. I notice my hand rises to scratch my chest, but I didn't do the scratching or the decision to scratch. I notice the hands are punching away at this keyboard - I'm not doing the typing. I notice hunger is arising in my stomach - I'm not hungering - it is just happening. I notice that I am breathing in and out quite naturally throughout this conversation - just happening. I reflect on the fact that this so called big decision will happen by itself too. This follows up with a wave of fear, a desire to control, an anxiety that the 'wrong' decision could be made. All this is what is happening in and as awareness.

I am awareness. Awareness is another name for me. I am the silent witness, the observer, pure beingness. I am totally free now, and always have been. Pain and pleasure, loss and gain, right and wrong are the pairs of opposites that flow through the beingness that I am. I have never done anything, nor will I ever do anything. Desire and action operate through the body mind whilst I watch the show. All the world is in my mind, a set of thought concepts, like a dream. I play the part of an individual, not as a reality, but as a play. This whole thing that's happening is a wonderful play. There is no need to take anything too seriously - after all, it is all only awareness in a different disguise.


  1. Hi!

    Just a quick question. Can you explain how to reconcile You not being thoughts, but needing thoughts (logic) everyday to 'survive'.. I realize when 'i' abide in awareness.. Thoughts arise, sensations arise, etc. So are thoughts then just needed for awareness to play the game of form?


  2. Hi Ravi. Thanks for your comment and question! It's not that you need thoughts, but that thoughts naturally arise - you have no option about that. Yes, the thoughts have evolved from a survival point of view I think. As humans evolved, those that used the faculty of thought were the survivors and passed on the genes. I like the way you say 'for awareness to play the game of form'. That sounds right! Best wishes to you Ravi.


  3. Thank you for the quick response. So essentially awareness has the choice of whether or not to use those words to help it along. It's interesting because when resting as awareness, it's intuition carries you to actions of love and compassion naturally. So it just leans towards thoughts that go in that direction. So in the world of form, actions of working hard, taking care of your family, taking care of others are naturally pursued due to the spaciousness realized.

    Thank you once again Shamash!

  4. Thank you for your wise words ravi