Living moment by moment with an uncomfortable feeling

The normal reaction to an uncomfortable feeling is to run away from the sensation. Today, I am going to stay with the discomfort right now, and let's see what happens.

The feeling is a mixture of confusion and anxiety, due to a current concern I have in the story. I'm not sure what I'm going to decide in the next few days, which will impact on my life, and so I am living with uncertainty. I can feel this feeling in my body. There is a  slight tingling in my stomach and a lethargy in my body as a whole. As I listen to the thoughts in my mind, I am aware of total silence. Some judgements come up about this, and debate as to whether a silent mind is good, bad or  neutral. I think about how I could come to a decision sooner so that I don't have to endure this moment by moment pain. I think of an idea and then let it go for now. I hear the sound of a bird this morning, reminding me to be alive to the nature around me. Silence again. My stomach isn't so painful anymore.

I reflect on the fact that all these experiences are only existing because of awareness. Without awareness, none of this would be happening. I step back and back, step back into the awareness that I am, whatever that means for me. I notice my hand rises to scratch my chest, but I didn't do the scratching or the decision to scratch. I notice the hands are punching away at this keyboard - I'm not doing the typing. I notice hunger is arising in my stomach - I'm not hungering - it is just happening. I notice that I am breathing in and out quite naturally throughout this conversation - just happening. I reflect on the fact that this so called big decision will happen by itself too. This follows up with a wave of fear, a desire to control, an anxiety that the 'wrong' decision could be made. All this is what is happening in and as awareness.

I am awareness. Awareness is another name for me. I am the silent witness, the observer, pure beingness. I am totally free now, and always have been. Pain and pleasure, loss and gain, right and wrong are the pairs of opposites that flow through the beingness that I am. I have never done anything, nor will I ever do anything. Desire and action operate through the body mind whilst I watch the show. All the world is in my mind, a set of thought concepts, like a dream. I play the part of an individual, not as a reality, but as a play. This whole thing that's happening is a wonderful play. There is no need to take anything too seriously - after all, it is all only awareness in a different disguise.